That's It?

If you read a few posts back, you will see the story about Hayden switching rooms. He still cries and runs after me as I leave, but I've stopped getting emotional about it. I can't anymore it was making me insane.

However, today we had a break through. I got him settled in his chair, his pancakes and juice before him. I walked back to the kitchen part of his room and heard, "Ma, Ma, Ma" I turn around and see him coming after me with a look of terror on his face. I get all my stuff done walk him back to his chair and sit him down. "Finish eating your pancakes." and turned and walked out the door. I didn't hear anything, as I reached for the door I turned expecting to see him in silent cry mode, with mouth open, tears flowing, but no noise yet. What I saw was my little boy growing up. He sat there eating his pancakes looking at me as if I was a stranger. I blew him a kiss and walked out the door.

That's it? After breaking my heart daily for three weeks, that's it? It's over just like that? I'm sure we'll have another round at times, but yes, for now, that's it.

Family Blessings

Each night at dinner, we hold hands (Robert and I) and say a blessing. Usually, Hayden is sitting in his chair (to my left and across from Robert) diving in to his food.

We sat down last night, Robert and I held hands, bowed our head and I hear "Uh, uh." I open my eyes and look over and Hayden who is holding out his right hand as if he wants me to take it. I looked at Robert questioning. I reached out my hand towards Hayden and he grabbed it, gave me a huge smile and Robert said the blessing. He held my hand until the blessing was done. I kissed Robert as we always do after the blessing and Hayden blew kisses at us.

It took that moment to make me realize that he knows more than I give him credit for. Just because he can't communicate in full sentences yet, he knows exactly what is going on. It was a special moment for us. First family prayer.

Conversation

Me: "Hayden continue eating your lunch, please."

Hayden: Throws handful of food to dog.

Dog: "God? Thank you for bringing this toddler in to my life. I've never been fatter."

Me: "Hayden Patrick, do not throw your food on the floor. You're being a bad boy."

Hayden: Tilts his head in a flirting fashion, puts hands so his palms are pointing to the ceiling, bats his eyes. "Ba boy, Ma Ma?"

Me: "Okay, wiseguy you know you're cute and yes...it's working."

Happy New Year!

I'm still having trouble believing it's a new year. Where did last year go? We had a good break from work out of 10 working days, I worked two of those. The other days I spent a lot of time with Hayden, Robert, in laws, parents and friends. It was a great break and I feel some what rested. We had a lot of great adventures, especially with our friends, Brian and Becky, who packed my Godson in the car and drove all the way from Michigan. It did my heart a lot of good to spend time with them. Our time together went by really fast, but it was nice to just be in the same state with them.

I have made no real resolutions this year. A new year to me means a clean slate to start new adventures, enjoy each moment and celebrate each day. I hope this new year brings you all that you hope for!

Christmas Break

Today is my last day in the office before a week off. I am thrilled about this. I didn't know I needed a break until I woke up this morning telling myself just to get through the day. I told Hayden the same thing as we walked in to daycare. "Last day before VACATION!!" He just stared at me. He'll get it when mom is home with him all week. I am very much looking forward to it.

I've been having trouble getting in to the Christmas spirit this year. I think it's because we've been in the high 70's all week. Most of my family and friends keep saying how much snow they've gotten and how cold it is. Our lives seem the same with the exception of a big Christmas tree in our living room.

With the year almost over, I am thankful for so many things. For my family, my friends, my wonderful place to live here in Charleston. I am also thankful for the lessons I've learned. None of those lessons have been easy, but I hope that I can grow from the experiences of the past year. I hope that all of you have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! See you in 2009!

A Simple Whistle.

This weekend I had another moment of how our lives have dramatically changed since having Hayden. We were on our way back from our bi-weekly trip to Target and the grocery store. Robert was driving and Hayden was in the back of the mini-van. We were quiet and Robert was whistling a song. I turned around to check on Hayden and looked at the gobs of stuff all over the back seat, Target bags full, diaper boxes, groceries, etc. I looked at Hayden who was smiling at me and I looked at my husband happily driving along whistling. I started laughing when I realized he was whistling the theme song to Thomas the Train. Oh how our lives have changed!

Change isn't easy...

Hayden went to a new room at daycare. He's now with kids that are a few months older than him. We thought it would be a good thing for him to learn from the big kids. For this kid, Robert and I both thought it would be no big deal. He's Mr. Social, his great attitude and nothing bothers him. No problem, right? WRONG.

We started off with the first day of him clinging to my arm as I held him (they started transitioning him the week before and said he cried, a lot). Then I try to put him down and he would start to cry and cling to me as if I was holding him over a vat of lava. Finally give him to the teacher as he's in full tears, pushing away from the teacher and arms out to me. My heart breaks. I pick him up the first day and he looked like he's been in a prize fight. Eyes swollen, dried boogers all over his face, exhausted. He had cried a majority of the day.

Day two: I sit with him at the table so he'll eat and not cry. He sits on my lap clenching my arm with one hand and eating with the other. I put him on the changing table (with a teacher, obviously) and he cries and turns and I run out the door. I ask myself, why am I doing this?

Day three: sits in his own chair at breakfast with mom by his side, gets up runs around the table, hugs one of the other children, comes back and sits down. Only wants a hug or in my lap a few times. I go to leave and he is hysterically crying and running after me as I close the door. I feel deflated, defeated and terribly lonely.

Day four (today): Seems more confident when we go in, we sit down in the chairs for breakfast and he won't sit on his own, he's clinging to me again, eating his pancakes. He knows when those pancakes are done, I'm gone. He eats slower and slower and when they are gone, he clings even harder. I hand him to one of the teachers and he's hysterical and crying. I swallow the lump in my throat and go around to the window and he quickly stops crying. That's a good step.

There are so many lessons to be learned here, but none of them are easy. I know my son will get use to the change and be better for it. I know I will be a better person myself for getting through this. However, any parent who has experienced this will tell you that it is a very hard lesson.