Update Your Links

Well, it's come time for me to bring this particular blog to a close. I started this blog almost two years ago to track my progress through my pregnancy with Hayden. He's thriving and we couldn't feel more blessed.

I have started a new blog, so update your links http://mojones4205.wordpress.com/

This new blog will track our new journey. We're going to have another baby and the new blog will track my progress as this one did for Hayden. Thanks for reading and I hope you'll continue on the new blog.

Molly, Robert and Hayden

A Good Run

For so long, we had a constant run of various illnesses run through our house. From ear infections, to colds, to the flu. We've had it all. However, for the last few months (since Thanksgiving), we've had nothing. Nothing. We knew it was strange and a blessing, but none of us spoke about it for fear we would jinx it. Well, starting yesterday, Hayden has an ear infection, fevers and chills. Robert who has been battling a cold for about three weeks, finally went to the doctor yesterday to find out he has pneumonia. So, we had a good run. If you need us this weekend, we'll be bunkered down in the house recovering. We're actually supposed to get to 72 degrees on Sunday, so maybe we'll enjoy some much needed warm weather. Enjoy your weekend!

Big Boy

Dear Hayden,

Today is my 32nd birthday. You are almost 19 months old now and you looked so cute this morning I took this picture. You just woke up and were on your way to school. You had Charlie, your bear, in one arm and a Tonka truck in the other. You are adamant on wearing your "Ha" (hat) this morning. I sit you on the counter in this exact spot each and every day to put your shoes on. You just had a sparkle in your eye that I had to capture. Just seeing you this morning and every morning made my birthday special. You're a true blessing and I love you.

Love,

Mommy

The Highs and Lows

There are so many highs and lows in life. Just the daily highs and lows are always changing back and forth. A few more lows then usual this weekend. My husband was at work a majority of the weekend, which means it's been about two weeks since I've spent time with him. My grandmother, my mom's mom, passed away on Sunday. So my parents went up there yesterday and as a result will not be around for my birthday tomorrow. I totally understand and don't feel bad about it, but it's just one of those lows. I am ready to start a new week with more highs than lows and wish the same for all my readers out there.

Words and Words

That's It?

If you read a few posts back, you will see the story about Hayden switching rooms. He still cries and runs after me as I leave, but I've stopped getting emotional about it. I can't anymore it was making me insane.

However, today we had a break through. I got him settled in his chair, his pancakes and juice before him. I walked back to the kitchen part of his room and heard, "Ma, Ma, Ma" I turn around and see him coming after me with a look of terror on his face. I get all my stuff done walk him back to his chair and sit him down. "Finish eating your pancakes." and turned and walked out the door. I didn't hear anything, as I reached for the door I turned expecting to see him in silent cry mode, with mouth open, tears flowing, but no noise yet. What I saw was my little boy growing up. He sat there eating his pancakes looking at me as if I was a stranger. I blew him a kiss and walked out the door.

That's it? After breaking my heart daily for three weeks, that's it? It's over just like that? I'm sure we'll have another round at times, but yes, for now, that's it.

Family Blessings

Each night at dinner, we hold hands (Robert and I) and say a blessing. Usually, Hayden is sitting in his chair (to my left and across from Robert) diving in to his food.

We sat down last night, Robert and I held hands, bowed our head and I hear "Uh, uh." I open my eyes and look over and Hayden who is holding out his right hand as if he wants me to take it. I looked at Robert questioning. I reached out my hand towards Hayden and he grabbed it, gave me a huge smile and Robert said the blessing. He held my hand until the blessing was done. I kissed Robert as we always do after the blessing and Hayden blew kisses at us.

It took that moment to make me realize that he knows more than I give him credit for. Just because he can't communicate in full sentences yet, he knows exactly what is going on. It was a special moment for us. First family prayer.

Conversation

Me: "Hayden continue eating your lunch, please."

Hayden: Throws handful of food to dog.

Dog: "God? Thank you for bringing this toddler in to my life. I've never been fatter."

Me: "Hayden Patrick, do not throw your food on the floor. You're being a bad boy."

Hayden: Tilts his head in a flirting fashion, puts hands so his palms are pointing to the ceiling, bats his eyes. "Ba boy, Ma Ma?"

Me: "Okay, wiseguy you know you're cute and yes...it's working."

Happy New Year!

I'm still having trouble believing it's a new year. Where did last year go? We had a good break from work out of 10 working days, I worked two of those. The other days I spent a lot of time with Hayden, Robert, in laws, parents and friends. It was a great break and I feel some what rested. We had a lot of great adventures, especially with our friends, Brian and Becky, who packed my Godson in the car and drove all the way from Michigan. It did my heart a lot of good to spend time with them. Our time together went by really fast, but it was nice to just be in the same state with them.

I have made no real resolutions this year. A new year to me means a clean slate to start new adventures, enjoy each moment and celebrate each day. I hope this new year brings you all that you hope for!

Christmas Break

Today is my last day in the office before a week off. I am thrilled about this. I didn't know I needed a break until I woke up this morning telling myself just to get through the day. I told Hayden the same thing as we walked in to daycare. "Last day before VACATION!!" He just stared at me. He'll get it when mom is home with him all week. I am very much looking forward to it.

I've been having trouble getting in to the Christmas spirit this year. I think it's because we've been in the high 70's all week. Most of my family and friends keep saying how much snow they've gotten and how cold it is. Our lives seem the same with the exception of a big Christmas tree in our living room.

With the year almost over, I am thankful for so many things. For my family, my friends, my wonderful place to live here in Charleston. I am also thankful for the lessons I've learned. None of those lessons have been easy, but I hope that I can grow from the experiences of the past year. I hope that all of you have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! See you in 2009!

A Simple Whistle.

This weekend I had another moment of how our lives have dramatically changed since having Hayden. We were on our way back from our bi-weekly trip to Target and the grocery store. Robert was driving and Hayden was in the back of the mini-van. We were quiet and Robert was whistling a song. I turned around to check on Hayden and looked at the gobs of stuff all over the back seat, Target bags full, diaper boxes, groceries, etc. I looked at Hayden who was smiling at me and I looked at my husband happily driving along whistling. I started laughing when I realized he was whistling the theme song to Thomas the Train. Oh how our lives have changed!

Change isn't easy...

Hayden went to a new room at daycare. He's now with kids that are a few months older than him. We thought it would be a good thing for him to learn from the big kids. For this kid, Robert and I both thought it would be no big deal. He's Mr. Social, his great attitude and nothing bothers him. No problem, right? WRONG.

We started off with the first day of him clinging to my arm as I held him (they started transitioning him the week before and said he cried, a lot). Then I try to put him down and he would start to cry and cling to me as if I was holding him over a vat of lava. Finally give him to the teacher as he's in full tears, pushing away from the teacher and arms out to me. My heart breaks. I pick him up the first day and he looked like he's been in a prize fight. Eyes swollen, dried boogers all over his face, exhausted. He had cried a majority of the day.

Day two: I sit with him at the table so he'll eat and not cry. He sits on my lap clenching my arm with one hand and eating with the other. I put him on the changing table (with a teacher, obviously) and he cries and turns and I run out the door. I ask myself, why am I doing this?

Day three: sits in his own chair at breakfast with mom by his side, gets up runs around the table, hugs one of the other children, comes back and sits down. Only wants a hug or in my lap a few times. I go to leave and he is hysterically crying and running after me as I close the door. I feel deflated, defeated and terribly lonely.

Day four (today): Seems more confident when we go in, we sit down in the chairs for breakfast and he won't sit on his own, he's clinging to me again, eating his pancakes. He knows when those pancakes are done, I'm gone. He eats slower and slower and when they are gone, he clings even harder. I hand him to one of the teachers and he's hysterical and crying. I swallow the lump in my throat and go around to the window and he quickly stops crying. That's a good step.

There are so many lessons to be learned here, but none of them are easy. I know my son will get use to the change and be better for it. I know I will be a better person myself for getting through this. However, any parent who has experienced this will tell you that it is a very hard lesson.

Hit's Close To Home

because this all happened while were were here and only a few miles from us (both the fire and the town of Summerville). Grab the tissues.

Feeling Absolute Love

A few of the hugs I've received I will remember for my lifetime. The general feeling of a hug is so great, but these hugs made me feel so absolutely loved, secure and full.

Any hug from my parents make me feel that way. The hug I received from Teresa while I was living in San Francisco is one of those that is up there on my list. I was out there for a few years with no visitors and NEEDED to have someone who knew me to visit. She stepped off the plane and the wave of relief and joy as she hugged me and I just cried out of happiness. That hug which to me lasted a good five minutes (though it probably didn't), was exactly what I needed and it came from the perfect person.

Another one that I will remember is when my dad had his heart attack. Robert and I were engaged at the time. I was at home for lunch about to head back to work when I got the call that he was taken to the hospital. My little Honda never cornered so well. I called Robert at work and told him that I didn't know what was happening, to stay put (no need to come to the hospital as I'm superwoman) and would call him. After about 15 minutes seeing my dad in pain and panic, I stood there alone wishing I had someone to just be there, I wasn't strong enough to handle this on my own. When they got him stable and off to surgery, I took my broken self to the waiting room to see my future husband standing there with open arms. I needed that hug from him. I felt secure and that this person would be there with those amazing hugs for the rest of my life.

I received a new hug that goes on this list. My son learned how to give a hug this week. He wraps his arms around your neck, puts his cheek on your cheek, and squeezes with all his might. It's not a 2 second hug, it's a "I love you with all my soul" hug and he means every second of it. He was up most of the night the other night, which is not new in our house. As I rocked him and said, "come on it's been three hours, go to sleep", he reached around my neck and squeezed. It was totally worth the lack of sleep to know that that hug game me greatest feeling of absolute genuine love.

Give someone a hug today. Not a two second one, a stop your world, your mind, think of the other person and hold on tight. Chances are, the love you feel for that person will come through without a word. It's so simple yet, we don't do it enough. Try it, you'll probably get the same in return.

It's Getting Hot In Here

Conference is over and I had Friday off to recuperate. Hayden came down with a bug on Saturday and wasn't feeling quite himself. Sunday, Robert and I went kitchen stove hunting as ours is on the fritz. We came back to find Grandma Rosie rocking a very hot and lethargic baby with a concerned look. "He's 102". I evaluate the situation and we start the fun part of our weekend and today. He was up and down last night, not out of pain or his normal "I don't feel good" cry, but more of a "this isn't good" lethargic baby. Grandma came over again this morning to keep him while I went to work. I got a call from Robert about 30 minutes later saying that he had woken up and was really, really hot. 103.4. I lose my breath. He said that she had given him some Motrin and was waiting for it to go down, but I was to be on stand-by in case it increased. I packed up my stuff and headed for home.

I got there and the fever had gone down slightly, but he was still not looking good. That was probably because he's also got pink eye on top of it all. I called the Doctor and made an appointment. He's got a double ear infection. He's had plenty in his short life, but this one came on with no cries, no ear pulling, just fever. Got home and relaxed by sleeping together in a chair. Robert came home around dinner time and I attempted to give Hayden another round of Motrin as his fever was starting to get high again. Checked his temperature, 102. He wouldn't take the Motrin so I tipped him back slightly and shot it into his mouth, which he immediately gagged and threw up a bit. Robert and I wondered if he got any. He didn't, we were now at 102.8. Called the Doctor's office and asked for them to call us back and let us know if we could give him another dose. Waited the 30 minutes, 103.4. Robert looked at me and I said, draw a cool bath, we've got to get him cooled down, 104. Bath, screams, cries, Doctor calls, give him a dose of Tylenol and wait, 104. If he reaches 104, you need to take him to the ER. "He IS 104". We wait a few minutes, 103..dress him in his pjs, 102, 101, sleep.

We've had an exciting few days. We're at a new level of stress and anxiety. Being a parent sure can challenge you in ways you never knew and show your strengths and weaknesses in the rawest way. I wouldn't change it for the world because in these times, I find out more about myself and my husband. I find that we're a great team and together...we can do just about anything.

Made It

It's been a long week and technically, today is my Saturday (though I'm at work) since I don't think I stopped working last week. Our company put on a conference this week for our clients. Over 1,000 clients came from all over to enjoy sessions, product news, etc. I was in charge of scheduling and managing over 120 volunteers (all co-workers).

I have not seen my family much this week as I have been working 17 hour days since Sunday. I'm worn out, but happy that it was a success. My darling husband was on daddy duty all week, getting the baby dressed, ready for school, dropping him off, picking him up, feeding, bathing and putting him to bed. This is normally my job (with his help, of course). He did it with such grace that I couldn't be more proud. The baby was very happy to be with his dad so much and also my parents. They were a big help too. They hosted Robert and Hayden a few nights for dinner and mom even kept Hayden one day this week. It made me feel really great to have a huge support system around when I couldn't be around. Robert through this experience has gotten a great appreciation for my commute, the routine and how exhausting it can be.

My life stopped this week while I got through conference. I had to do listen to the news today, which I usually avoid, just to figure out what I had missed. I missed my family very much and am looking forward to spending the weekend with them.

Also, a bit of great news. My friend Teresa is closing on her house tomorrow! Congratulations to her on buying her first house. Sister, you were still and heard it. See? The tide will always turn. Good things ahead!

A Good Laugh

I laughed pretty hard, maybe you have to have kids to find it so comical, I don't know.


A Thanksgiving Moment from Catholic Media House on Vimeo.

Preserverance

Where to begin? How about beginning with a book? I've read a book that I randomly picked up at the library as Hayden pushed the step stool through the aisles. I grabbed and now, I think it was a sign from God. It's called Sacred Parenting. For a few weeks I have been feeling stretched by obligations both in my home and especially outside of it. Every parent feels this and I am no exception. It's lack of sleep and lack of time, really. I have been doing some soul searching in what I want for my life as a mother and wife and for my family. This book gave me the perspective I needed. It made me realize that it is not about me, it's about raising Hayden to the best of my ability. Not to have him say please and thank you, though that is nice. It's about raising him to be a good person who when is called, will be able to stand in front of Him and be welcomed. How to do this, is up to Robert and I (with guidance of course).

A few weeks ago, after a particularly frustrating morning, I found myself driving to work and broke down. Again, lack of sleep, frustration- being pulled in too many directions. It lasted a few seconds, I said a prayer and it was over. As I pulled in Hayden's daycare parking lot, I stopped and looked in my rear view mirror. I saw a mom, who must have had a frustrating morning with her own son. He waited by the side of the car as she was reaching in to get something. He was off in thought (about 2 years old) and she turned, grabbed his hand and started quickly walking in to the daycare. He wasn't paying attention so she grabbed his hand, he had to take a few quick steps to catch up. Every parent has done this before, stretched by time, hurrying up to get the current job done (dropping at daycare) to get the next one done. Seeing this, my stomach hurt. I was becoming that person (not that she's a bad person). I was becoming the person who dropped off while thinking of what faced me at work, not cherishing the few moments I had with Hayden. Being good for him and showing him that I'm happy with him. I didn't want to become this person. I wanted to not be frustrated with a child who doesn't understand frustration or why I am frustrated (he will assume it's him, not the reality that it's something else). He is just being innocent and good and he gets a stressed mom who isn't living in the moment, but focusing on the next thing.

A few days later I randomly picked up this book. The book spoke to me and change my way of thinking. We, as parents, are blessed with these children and it's not easy. They challenge us, frustrate us, but bless us in more ways than imaginable. We have a lot to learn from them as they teach us so much about ourselves and our relationship with God. They bring you to your knees out of thankfulness, fear, pleasure and pain. They are a gift and I, personally, have made a promise to myself and my child that I will live each moment with him to its fullest. My frustration (whether with him or with life), will not be shown as a constant (sure it's going to happen). I'm going to look at him as he's screaming or going boneless as a gift from God and take each moment as a challenge for me to grow as a person and persevere though whatever life gives me.

A the speed of light

It's been a long time since I've posted. We've had so much going on these days, it seems as though my life is moving at the speed of light. I know that every parent with small children feel this way. Our life is no different. We had Halloween and Hayden was a lion. True to form, he wore the head of the lion for about two seconds before pulling it off. He went to our neighbors house where they bought him a few books instead of candy. Good thinking. I haven't been able to upload the pictures yet, but hope to do that soon.

It's been a strange few days since the time change. I think we're all trying to adjust. Last night we got home and our power went out right after we got done making dinner. I shut off the burners and BOOM the lights went out. Robert stood away from me and I couldn't see anything. I said, "um...where is Hayden?" Robert said, "I saw him across the kitchen a minute ago." "Hayden?" Putting my hands towards the floor feeling. "Baby? Where are you?" I hear footsteps and walk towards them, get licked by the dog who was obviously telling me she was fine. "Get off me dog! Hayden?" I hear giggles and then find the boy standing perfetly still right there he was when the lights went off. We ate by candle light and I read for a few hours before the lights came on. I had million things to do before going to bed, but took it as a sign that God wanted me to get some rest. Today I'm glad we did.

Always Learning

As Hayden gets older, he's quickly learning more and more. We're stunned when a new word flops out of his mouth, "Juice? Shoes? Snacks?" etc. He's always listening and studying-- always learning. We went to the beach on Sunday and this was his first trip as a full fledge walker. We set him down and boom he was on a dead run to the water. We ran to grab him and he didn't understand why he couldn't go in. He watched the water, saw, felt and tried to eat a star fish and felt the wind on his face. Always learning.

As a parent, I'm always learning too. Two important lessons learned for me this weekend. One: If daycare sends your sons jeans and a shirt home wet in a plastic bag because he "spilled his drink". Do not wait 5 days to throw it in the wash, chances are was milk he spilled and when you open the bag, you'll want to pass out from the smell and have to throw it out because it's got more mold on it than you could imagine. Two and the mother of all lessons. When you get your baby ready for bed and he thinks it's so funny to run down the hall screaming out of naked joy. Do not just stand there and think, "how cute! look at his naked butt" because when you do, at that exact second, you will see poop come out of that cute butt on to your white carpet and he will keep running leaving presents along the way. Also, get a diaper and put it on the child don't just stand there stunned that, "you can't believe that just happened". Move woman! He'll do it again if you let him. Good times.